Young Writers Society

I guess everything was cleared above, welcome to YWS
And please work on your spelling like capitalizing "I"
Thanks

Greetings photoboothx<3,


This is appallingly bad writing.

Its features include a one-dimensional character wallowing around in an adolescent rant of what it would seem he or she finds totally engaging.

Your understanding of what makes an effective line is non-existent.

Parts of this, such as:

"deep inside your really crude
what never came to speak again
was what i was screaming inside my head
i was never bold enough
to tell you were cold enough"

make no sense at all. That's probably for the best in this case.

The close is an incoherent, pathetic grab at some deeper meaning. The effect is that of a botched pratfall.

If you are hoping at some point to post work that might generate some level of positive response at the YWS, you first need to develop a feel for what effective poetry is. See if you can find a copy of Mary Oliver's introduction to the craft - "A Poetry Handbook" - and look up all the articles in Squills and Writing Tips sections here on YWS. Study, and then come back and look at this piece. If you're not embarassed at that point, poetry is not for you. Take up macrame.


Best,
Brad

First of all welcome to the site!

whatever

reasons why i came to say
this is you way
never mine